Trading Spaces
by ilikestories
Summary: We all know that Harry and Voldemort have a lot in common, but what if they had to trade places? NO SLASH, no HBP, rated for violence. Mostly.
1. What?

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't need to write fanfiction.

A/N This is my first fanfic. Please R&R

_Harry Potter, the boy who lived _he thought bitterly, _Why did I have to be the famous one? Now, people are jealous of me because I have no parents! Now, how does that make sense?_ Harry was on his way to Dumbledore's office. He had called Harry to a special "Meeting." _What could I have possibly done this time?_ It was a reasonable question, he only ever went to Dumbledore's office if something bad happened, and as far as he knew…

"Password?" asked the gryphon guarding the door.

"I didn't know you talked," said Harry, surprised "Then again I guess you did talk that one time… Anyway, I don't know the password, but Dumbledore said he wanted to see me. Well, not said per say but I-"

"All right, I get the point, but I think you'll just have to guess. A hint, it's a muggle sweet"

Harry didn't particularly like being told he had to guess, but drastic times call for drastic measures. "Snickers? Almond Joys? Airheads? Uhh, Lemon drops? Oh, wait, that's been used, Mars Bars, M&Ms, skittles, twizzlers, dum-dums? Oh. Why. Don't. You. Just. Open?!?!?!" He said the last bit while kicking the gryphon. "Ow, that'll leave a mark. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. Oh fudge, now I'm going to be late"

The door opened.

Harry walked up the steps to Dumbledore's office and Knocked softly. "Come in" was heard from inside, and Harry was happy to oblige. When he pushed the door open he saw the last person he expected to see. _"Tom?!?"_

"Great. When I agreed to come here, I did it with the utmost assurance that this would be private, but now this, this _boy_ is here. I wouldn't call this private.

"Tom, I don't want to be here either. I didn't know that Dumbledore thought I could handle you yet. I should have remembered that every time Dumbledore asks me to do something it involves _you_. And I hate being called boy."

"You won't need to be called anything, soon. As soon as I get out of here…"

"You seem, boys," said Dumbledore calmly "To have forgotten why we are here. I think both of you need to talk. It seems that you have become mortal enemies and yet neither of you know exactly why. I have, Harry, confiscated Tom's wand. I am sure he would feel better if I had yours, too."

Harry handed it over, "If I must" he said, glaring at Voldemort the whole time. "Can we just get down to business?

Voldemort gave an answer, "I would love to, but I believe that with Albus as our mediator we need to wait for him"

"I hate waiting" spat Harry "What's Dumbledore up to, anyway? He seems to have disappeared."

"Well, then I guess we'll have to enjoy each other's company" said Voldemort with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "It shouldn't be too hard all I have to do is ignore your imbecilic remarks for the next few minutes and everything will be alright."

"Did you just call me stupid?

"Oh, good, monkey boy is catching on!"

"I call you by your name; you can call me by mine"

"Oh… Mr. Uppity now aren't you"

"Shut up Tom, I'm warning you…"

"Oh, threats now, I see we've passed the friendly teasing point?"

"I'm serious, I can do wandless magic when I get mad"

"Oh, yes, as I recall you blew up your aunt, does she remember that little incident?"

"Luckily, no. You've probably never had a dog set on you, but let me say that sitting in a tree for six hours is not nearly as entertaining as one might think. You get rather sore."

"Oh, so you've run away from home, have you, you ungrateful wretch. I would have given much just to have a home to go to over the holidays."

"You wouldn't want to go to this house, I promise you. I thought my name was freak until I went to kindergarten, and even then I wasn't sure"

"Yeah, right, Mr. Melodramatic, I'd like to see you be almost completely ignored for eleven years. I didn't know I was a wizard until Dumbledore came to get me when I was eleven. I bet you were raised in the glory of your parents. I had no pictures, no stories, only the middle name of my grandfather to go on."

This brought back a wave of memories; Hagrid, the Leaky Cauldron, Ollivander's, the Mirror of Erised, everything. When Harry finally recovered he was shaking with rage. "Don't. You. Ever. Say. Something. Like. That. To. Me. Again. You. Have. No. Clue… You wouldn't last a week in my shoes."

"You wouldn't last a day in mine."

"May I take that as a challenge?"

The arguing pair was momentarily distracted and looked over to where the voice had come from. Apparently, Dumbledore had put a charm in himself to be invisible, and was listening to the whole exchange. He repeated, "May I take that as a challenge?"

"Why" they said in unison

"I can fulfill it, if you want," he said, a twinkle in his eyes.

"It's a deal."

A/N How was it? This is when you push that little blue button over on the side. I know it's kinda short, but I'll do better next time.


	2. It worked!

Disclamer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor am I Lewis Caroll. If I was either one of those people, my story would be a lot better, wouldn't it?

A/N I don't believe it, I got reviews!!! Thanks guys! Also: I put in gryphon in the first chapter instead of gargoyle. Sorry! Just fix it in your head.

Harry broke the news to his friends that night at Hagrid's. Everyone was there, including all the Weasleys. Fred and George had shown up even! The responses had been predictable.

"Harry, you idiot, you don't know what _he _might do to your body!

"Blimey, Harry, you talked to him without getting cursed? And you made fun of him? Wicked! Ow, Hermionie! I mean, that was really stupid, you could be killed!"

"I dunno, 'arry, changing bodies is a tricky thing. Things could go bad real fast, and when they do I doubt you'll like it"

"Oh, Harry, do you feel like you have to do this, because you have no obligation to Dumbledore"

And, of course, the twins

"Did you seriously just insult _the man_?"

"You know most people would be killed for that"

"But it doesn't change the fact"

"Are you seriously trading places with"

"_Your mortal enemy_"

"How thick can you get?"

Harry responded to all of these at once with a "Dumbledore thought it was a good idea, and I trust him."

The room fell silent.

"It's all happening tomorrow. If you want to see it, come. The headmaster said that you could" Harry left the group to mull this over and walked up to hid Dormitory to prepare, not even noticing a certain someone behind him. When he turned around to sit on his bed, he realized Ron had followed him all the way up.

"Harry, mate, you've done a lot of stupid stuff in your day, but I think this tops them all off. I stand by your decision, but you know a whole lot of stuff that would really help Voldy and friends. I mean, honestly, you _own_ the order's headquarters. What will you do when the day after you trade back he goes and attacks with a horde of death eaters behind him? Sorry to spoil the fun, but it seems to be a pretty huge oversight on your part."

Harry responded "Dumbledore is taking care of everything. I honestly think that he wanted us to do this. Maybe he'll just take out the parts that would give anything away."

"Take them out?"

"We're really just sharing with each other a full seventeen years of memories, but it's different from a pensive. Firstly, they feel like real time, but they really aren't, a year only takes about an hour. Secondly, you aren't an outside viewer, you actually feel like you're inside the other person, so words said to you are really to you, not to someone you're watching from the outside. Thirdly, you think, but you can't say or do anything different from what the original person did." Harry smiled faintly as he related the most important part of what Dumbledore said "Last, you feel everything, like, Voldemort is going to feel every Crucio that he ever put on me."

Ron replied, laughing, "That'll open his eyes. Imagine having to see yourself doing horrible, painful things to, well, you!"

Harry grinned. "I'm starting to really like this plan."

The next day at breakfast Harry was too nervous to eat. What was he going to see? And more important, how much was Voldemort going to see about his life? Harry didn't like the idea of hearing everything that had happened to him. _Hopefully_, he thought, _Tom is just as nervous as I am._

Tom himself had different thoughts. _That little brat. He thinks I'll have trouble being 'the boy who lived, hero of the wizarding world?' I have other ideas. Surely it will be amusing to see the look of astonishment on his face when this thing is done, and I will be able to glean secrets that even my best spies would never dream of finding. This is going to be good. _Tom was soon to learn how wrong he was.

A/N I could end here just to bug you, but I won't.

Noon. Harry and Tom were seated in Dumbledore's office along with all of Harry's friends. Tom looked like a kid in a candy shop without any money to buy anything. "You never told me that this filth will watch the transaction. If you had told me I would have come better prepared"  
"You never would have come at all" Dumbledore countered "You would never have let yourself sit wandless in a room full of people dying to see you dead. That is why I did not tell you.

Tom looked even angrier (if that was possible) and turned away, a flush coming to his abnormally pale face. The Weasley twins were quick to comment on this. "Look" said Fred "He's blushing!"

"Oh, Fred" George replied "Take a picture! This is not something that people see every day"

"Take a picture of me" Voldemort hissed "And you'll wish I had killed you long ago" This made most of the room go pale, and Tom, seeing his job done, put on a look of what he thought to be smug satisfaction, but was really a cross between a grimace and a smirk.

"Now, everyone" said Dumbledore "The time has come"

"The walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax"

"Of cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings"

"Shut it you two!" Reprimanded Hermione, "He's trying to talk"

"Thank you, Miss Granger. We have gathered here to see a momentous occasion in wizarding history. For the first time ever, two people who live to challenge and defeat one another have agreed to share their deepest thoughts, even some that they have worked hard to forget." Glancing at Harry he continued "We will thank you to, whatever happens over the next seventeen hours, not to try to stop this transaction in any way. It could severely damage both participants mentally and physically. We will begin."

Harry heard Dumbledore cast the spell and sunk into oblivion. When he was conscious of himself he realized that he was not Harry. He was instead a small child. He looked around and saw that the woman who he supposed was his mother had already died. His life as Tom Marvolo Riddle had begun.

Voldemort had a very different experience. He opened his eyes and found himself in a cradle in a small room, painted blue. He was wrapped in soft blankets, and above him was a softly tinkling mobile that was, apparently, for his amusement. He had one thought before he started screaming; _well, this sucks!_

To the people anxiously waiting in Dumbledore's office, it seemed as though nothing had happened. Then both parties started wailing. They realized that, since they were both babies, that would be the natural way to alert someone of anything. _This is going to be a long couple of hours_ Hermione thought to herself. _Though it is quite fun listening to them scream their little hearts out for no apparent reason. They always act so tough, and here they are, wailing like there is no tomorrow._

Harry looked around him as he was carried up the stairs by a girl, barely older than he was in the real world. "It's all right" she cooed at him "You'll be okay. You're going to live here now, with lots and lots of other kids to make friends with. Why don't you have a bottle?" _This is the life_ Harry thought _I get to be taken care of and given bottles. I haven't felt this safe in a long time. Hell, the only guy that ever wanted to kill me is, well, me. I have absolutely nothing to worry about._

Voldemort was in a similar mindset. _I get to have a mother! A mother for the first year of my life! She might be a filthy mudblood, but I am still a baby and that means I am going to be able to stare at a woman for a whole year, and no one is going to care. She might be a mudblood, but she's a cute mudblood. _He realized that she had come in to comfort him, and he went to sleep thinking about how easy the next few years of his life would be. _Honestly, as soon as I am old enough for them to realize I'm just a dumb kid, I'll move over to my aunt and uncle's place and they'll spoil me until I go off to school and become the popular quidditch star and teacher's pet. I'll even get to meet the most powerful sorcerer of all time in person. It really doesn't get much better. I still get to talk to snakes, too! This will be the childhood I never had._

Dumbledore sat in his office. All the others had left to go and find something to eat. _Well, _he thought _they'll be turning two soon. _

A/N I'll try to update again before thanksgiving, but don't get your hopes up. I have a life, you know! Maybe if I get more reviews… Thanks for reading it, anyway.


	3. New Perspectives

Disclaimer: I would love to own Harry Potter, but since I don't, this is the next best thing.

**A/N: Don't hate me forever, please, I know it's been a long time. **…………………………………………………………………………………………...

Voldemort sat on his 'mother''s lap. As far as he could tell, it was Halloween. Now he could see himself in full power. He felt only a small twinge of regret, since the family treated him as their son. _No, stupid_ he told himself _As far as they knew I was their son_. Oh, well, pretty soon that idiot Wormtail will betray them and all will be well for the Dark Lord. That Wormtail idiot, he'll have the other two marauders or whatever they call themselves after him. Too bad… that's his loss. The only other minus is that I also see myself get destroyed, that always sucks. Oh, I hear voices. It must be me. About time, it's nearly midnight. I'll listen closer. I never get tired of this part.

"Leave this house now, or I'll have to fight you"

"You will never defeat me. You know it."

"Lily, take Harry and run! I can hold him off"

"You'll be sorry you ever crossed the Dark Lord. _Avada Kedavra_"

"Ha! You missed me. That's pretty pathetic aim for someone who calls himself 'all powerful'"

"_Avada Kedavra_"

The spell hit its mark and Voldemort heard his mother screaming. "No, don't kill my son. Take me, do what you want with me, but don't hurt Harry!"

"I'll do as I please and a filthy little mudblood isn't going to stop me." Baby Voldemort corrected himself in his head _Filthy maybe, but she's definitely cute._

"No, please, don't hurt him!"

"_Avada Kedavra_," He shouted, "And now for the boy. _Avada Kedavr-_" but he couldn't hear the rest of the word. Voldemort (both of them) was engulfed in a pure white light which gave the appearance that one of them had died. He wasn't dead, baby Voldemort was sure of that, but he wasn't really alive either. Harry started wailing.

Fairly quickly Voldemort was made aware of himself being picked up by a huge furry man. He didn't really like it, for he knew who this furry man was. He was being touched by Hagrid, the man he had blamed the Chamber of Secrets on. Good thing Hagrid thought it was his good friends' son, not his worst enemy. He climbed onto Sirius's infernal flying motorcycle and got going. Harry fell asleep, but Voldemort had never been more awake. He looked down to see where he was going. Potter lived where… Surry, wasn't it? That must be where they were going, then. He saw that they were getting lower and figured this was where he would grow up. He saw Dumbledore and McGonagall ready to present him to his new parents. Or leave him on their doorstep. Whatever. A few hours later he was awakened by a scream. Voldemort found to his dismay that it was not a scream of joy.

Harry opened his eyes and saw he was in a small bed in a room that was slightly smaller than his room at Privet Drive. He figured the total amount of space was about the same, though, since his room was not filled with toys. He looked out the window to see a small marshy field where the other children were playing. He wished dearly that he was once again seventeen and able to join in. He wasn't really sure what they were playing, but he was pretty sure that he could catch on quickly. He heard someone coming down the hall, and realized that it was the girl he had seen before when he was being carried to his room. "I was told it was time to feed yeh. You know how to use a bottle, I suppose." Tom said nothing but reached out for it. He grabbed on and started drinking. "I'll come back pertty soon to get that bottle back. Gotta feed the rest of the babies too." The girl walked out of the room muttering to herself.

Harry didn't mind being ignored; he was pretty much used to it. That was better than being the target of angry comments or doing chores all day when everyone else was lounging around watching the television. He decided that this life was better than ever. No worries, no death threats, and he didn't have to explain anything, ever, for about three years. This life was gonna be good.

Ron and Hermionie had realized that the two people had stopped making noises and reentered Dumbledore's office. They went in and saw that they were making faces but no sounds. Dumbledore was smiling faintly and they realized that he had put a silencing charm on them.

"I hadn't realized that they would make the sounds that they made originally. You must realize I have never done this before."

Molly Weasley went pale and Dumbledore realized that he had made an error. He didn't get the chance to apologize before her motherly instincts took over. "You never used it before? Dumbledore, you idiot, how could you do that? Why didn't you say anything? I thought that people like you were supposed to be responsible. You could have killed the only hope our world has for survival. Don't tell me that _He_ would've died, too, because he wouldn't. He never really does it seems. No matter how many times we thought he had died we to be wrong and now this. You don't deserve the position as headmaster of this school, and frankly, if you had always acted like this you never did."

The twins, Ron, and Hermione exchanged glances. "Wicked" said Fred, followed by comments from everyone else:

"Mum, I love to see you yell at someone else"

"Mrs. Weasley, was that really necessary? Everyone makes mistakes. You are rather good at yelling, though, mind giving me a lesson?"

"Wow. You should go in the running for Snape's job"

And finally "Thank you Mrs. Weasley but that is not what I meant. I have done many similar spells, but never this particular one. The effects are, in the end, the same, but instead of them being in this state for seventeen years it's just a few hours." This comment seemed to calm everyone down and they continued watching, waiting, and playing exploding snap.

It was December. Baby Harry was not having fun. As far as Voldemort could tell, it was around Christmas, but all that was happening was he was getting a couple solid meals every day and starting to always wear a hat. The other boy, who he had worked out to be Dudley or something, was being fed cookies and cake and all manner of things. He was already fat and not even two yet. Voldemort was almost jealous.

Christmas day came. It was filled with joy for all members of the family but one. You guessed it, Voldemort was getting absolutely no attention and his 'Aunt Marge' had come. She was talking constantly about how he should have been drowned the day they found him. _Really_ Voldemort thought _they can be nearly as stupid as some of my death eaters sometimes. Dumb muggles_.

The time came for presents. Dudley got several baby toys. Harry got a jar of baby food. He tried to stick it in his mouth, but it wouldn't fit. He started crying, which landed him a smack upside the head from Vernon. _Lay a hand on me_ thought Voldemort _and you **will **be sorry later_.

In a completely different time period, Tom Riddle also received his first Christmas present. It was a teething ring. An older child had also made him a rag doll and Harry was embarrassed about it. _I'm sixteen and sleeping with a doll!_ He thought, _what is the world coming to? Oh, well, I wonder what'll happen when I tell all the death eaters_. A thought struck him. _What about the Order? Won't he know where it is? And who's in it? And he'll know the password into the Gryffindor common room. And Ginny. He'll know about Ginny. He'll know about all the Weasleys. He'll know 'mionie's address! He could hunt down my aunt and uncle and cousin, not that that would be all bad. He could destroy everything just because I said 'I bet you couldn't do it.' Then Dumbledore took us seriously and here I am. Right now Voldemort is learning things from me. I have to stop it. I have to…"_

Just then, Harry woke up. He felt a breath of fresh air on his face. He looked around at all the Weasleys and Dumbledore and Hermionie and said to them what he had been thinking for the last ten minutes. "I've done something stupid"

Dumbledore walked over to him and asked "How did you get out?"

Harry thought back to it "Well, I really wanted to warn you about how Voldemort was going to find out everything and I just concentrated on that really hard"

"Harry" Dumbledore said "You have broken out of a spell that was designed to be impossible to break away from. How did you do it?"

"It's a bit like throwing off the imperious, actually, you just tell yourself why you shouldn't be there and all of a sudden you're out"

Dumbledore smiled at him "Harry, you say that like it's simple. I'll have you know I couldn't throw off the imperious until I had been practicing for several years. Now, I'll tell you why you shouldn't be afraid. When I put you both under, I gave you, and you only, the choice of what he is to see and remember. He'll see everything, but he'll forget everything that he wasn't to know. Now, let's put you under again.

Review please, everyone. I'll update again soon, Christmas, I mean, _Holiday_ break (I go to a public school) starts tomorrow and will try to update for the New Year. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, but honestly, I'm a little disappointed. Only twelve reviews in over four hundred hits. I'm disappointed in you. Oh, and to all who care, I didn't fail my Spanish test. Yay me.


	4. Now you know

Disclaimer: I would love to own Harry Potter, but since I don't, this is the next best thing.

**A/N:hehe. Twice in one week. You should be proud of me. **…………………………………………………………………………………………...

Several hours passed and nothing important happened. Then, all of a sudden Voldemort curled up in a ball. He looked to be in pain, and for a long period of time. This was very surprising to all present and was best summed up by Fred when he said "What's going on? I thought he wasn't supposed to be eleven for ages yet."

Dumbledore realized Fred was right. While Harry might have been exposed to that kind of pain at the end of his first year, he was only supposed be about seven now. Dumbledore thought fast. "Someone get Severus up here immediately"

A voice in the back of the room answered him "Already here, headmaster. What job are you going to force onto me this time?"

"I want you to use legilimency on _him_."

"No"

"I believe you misunderstand me, Severus, I just need you to see what he is seeing right now."

"And I said no. Do you have any idea what could happen to me if he ever finds out? Potter's history is of little consequence to me and I prefer to remain living if it suits you."

"Severus, he will not find out. Do what I ask of you now, please."

Snape swore under his breath, then walked over to the man. He studied him for a moment then murmured the word that would send him into the mind of the enemy. "Legilimens"

Upon entering the memory he was completely engulfed in it. He saw everything and it was not pretty. Little seven-year-old Harry Potter was curled up in a ball in a cupboard that was not fit to keep cleaning supplies locked up in, much less children. Harry was examining his various scrapes and bruises. He put bandages on the largest ones and just looked at the smaller ones until they stopped bleeding. Snape found himself wondering what had happened to the boy when he realized that the boy was asleep. He listened to Harry's muttering long enough to get an idea of where they had gome from. He was not happy.

"No Dudley, the game ends when you find me. Ouch, stop! Ow, come on just lemme go. No, I don't wanna say uncle. How come…" That dream drifted off and Harry was silent until "Ow! Uncle Vernon, stop it. I'll be a good boy I promise. Don't make me go in my cupboard, I haven't even eaten yet. Well I made it so I just thought…"

Snape was surprised. His house had some of the most heavily abused kids in the school but none of them had two people beating on them. Then again, their parents could do magic whereas Potter's relatives couldn't. _Still_ said a little voice in his head that he never could shut up when he wanted to _that would explain a lot of what makes him different from the other kids. You just refused to see it, but the signs were there. He was small, remember? And you just thought he was a picky eater who refused to get exercise so he could grow. He's really a lot like many of the kids in your house, except his relatives didn't have an aspect of 'for your own good,' it was more like 'you're a freak and you don't deserve to be treated like a normal person' motive. _

Snape finally gave in to his conscience and started working on a way to get out. This wasn't at all like normal legilimency, so he couldn't do it the normal way. He focused all of his energy into how miuch he wanted to be **not there** and _pop_, he was out.

"What happened?" asked Dumbledore "Did he fall down the stairs or something?"

"Headmaster" said Snape "I think there is something we don't know about Potter's family"

1011010100100010011

A/N: Okay, technically not a cliffie because we already know what Snape is going to tell Dumbledore. I see that threats are better than demands, so I won't update until I get eight reviews. Good and bad both count as long as I get them. I gotta know that _someone_ is reading my story, don't I? Oh, and look what I can do: (-) (I'm so easily amused)


	5. Truth and Lies

Disclaimer: _**Imperio! IMPERIO!**_ '_**You will give me Harry Potter You will give me Harry Potter' **'Why, though? I made him up?'_Damn, I guess that won't get me Harry Potter either. Stupid stick. I want my money back (Can you tell it's not mine? Yet…)

**A/N:** uh… I guess I should run away from the angry mob but maybe this will distract you long enough for me to catch a flight out of the country. Mexico, hide me! (No offence meant to anyone from Mexico)

* * *

"Severus, what could you possibly have seen that would be the cause for such alarm? Surely nothing bad happened, just the flu or something, right?" 

"Albus, I have something to tell you that is very important and it is absolutely vital that you listen to me. I have reason to believe that Harry Potter's relatives are much worse than they appear." Snape related his story to the old man and sat back. Dumbledore stood at the same time, making them look a little like Oompa Loompas. He spoke, and everyone's mutterings silenced.

"We do not yet have evidence that Harry was actually abused by his relatives. Niglected, yes, but I had known that ever since I addressed his letter to the cupboard under the stairs. I had not realized the extent until now, but it is feasible that he had had some sort of accident. Now, the question is, who do we wake up?"

"I don't understand… You were just told a horrific story about this little, defenseless child being abused and you ask which one to wake up? Isn't it obvious? Just go straight to the source. Shove veritaserum down their filthy muggle throats and call the authorities. You-know-who is getting no less than he deserves and Harry is in no immediate danger."

"Molly, I appreciate your concern for the well-being of Harry, but we need human confirmation before we go arresting people. Now, Who Do We Wake Up." After making a point of stressing every syllable, Albus looked around, waiting for a suggestion, and saw Severus rise angrily.

"Isn't it obvious? You wake up the Dark Lord, because he has no reason to defend the muggles. If the Potter boy hasn't told us in nearly seven years, what makes you think today would ba nay different. Besides, we don't know if taking them out of this trance is dangerous or not. I personally have no qualms about harming the most evil man in the world- wizarding or muggle- trying to defend the child who-" and here he shuddered, "who _represents_ all that is good. And all that is annoying."

Ron and Hermione, who had remained quiet through the whole exchange, decided it was their civic duty to defend their best friend to the greasy git who called himself their potions master. "Now you wait, that bloke is my- our- best mate and you can't say that about him. It's not fair."

"If he really had all that trouble, he would have had a perfectly good reason. Keep your long nose in your own business"

The Weasley twins were not so subtle in their insults.

"Greasy git"

"Like you care!"

"You only ever insulted him-"

"-or his parents"

"Tsk Tsk, never speak ill of the dead"

"Or those soon to join them"

"Fred, you just made that up"

"Well, I wanted to"

"It makes some sense"

"What was that the Marauders called him?"

"Snivellus"

"Ah, yes"

"Don't say that name."

"What, Snivellus?"

"But why ever not?"

"Why don't you just give me a paper cut and put lemon juice on it. It's quicker."

"Oh Snivellus, don't be so melodramatic"

"Really Snivellus, Have you no heart?"

"It's no worse than what you called Harry"

"You deserve it."

"Indeed."

"SHUT UP!"

"So rude"

"Snivellus"

"Snivellus"

"Boys, calm down"

"Molly's right, you've done enough damage."

"We're done, right Fred?"

"Of course, dear brother."

"Snivellus will never have to hear his name used correctly again."

At this moment, Dimbledore was standing over the prone body of Voldemort and poking him between the shoulder blades. He (Tom) woke with a start and stared at Dumbledore, whose twinkle transformed into a glare to match the Dark Lord's own. Severus walked over to the pair and rounded angrily on Dumbledore.

"What did you do that for? Dou you want to get us all killed? You might have interrupted something."

"Be calm, Snape, I needed a break from that moron boy's mind, anyway. Why did this bumbling fool bring me back out, anyway?"

"Did the Dursleys abuse the boy"

"No."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Yes."

"What about all those cuts, and the moaning at night?"

"The Dursley boy attacked him. The large man cleaned him up. It stung."

"Is that it?"

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Well, no cause for alarm then"

The old man waved his wand and Voldemort collapsed on the floor, head in his arm. If those in the room hadn't known better, he would have seemed like a deformed old guy sleeping on the floor, rather than the evil deformed old guy he really was

* * *

A/N: Wow, Wipes sweat off of forehead, Okay, Voldemort is very OOC, but then he just spent several 'years' in the body of the kid he's wanted to destroy for several years. He, now… to catch that plane. 


End file.
